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Show Me the Money…and Other Awkward Conversations You Have Near Your Wedding

 

I think it’s fairly safe to say the old ‘traded her for a goat’ doesn’t apply anymore, but does the, not as old, ‘bride’s family pays for the wedding’ still apply? I can speak from my own experience and about 90% of the weddings I’ve been in to say – not really. In my circle we’ve had brides and grooms that pay their own way, equally contributing moms and dads on both sides, a handful of brides family covers, and a few destination weddings too.

But how do you know which one you fit into? It’s not like as a newly engaged future daughter in law you want to exactly waltz up to your so to be in-laws and talk about money. Awkward! Heck, sometimes it’s even awkward to talk to your own parents about it if you haven’t in the past.

In this particular situation I think the conversations are best had with the direct family member – you talk to your family, he can talk to his. Yes I know you’re all going to be family, but sometimes these conversations are sticky and it’s best to make them as light and easy as possible.

Plus ones can be tricky too. How do you decide who gets one and who doesn’t? If my friends or family had significant others that had been around for years, or were wearing life committing jewelry they were in. If I had single friends I had honest conversations – if someone enters your life between now and then, let’s talk about it! Again, these talks can sometimes be less that comfortable, but be honest and people will respect it.

Tipping and feeding your vendors – this little gem is something no one tells you about until you’re in the thick of it and you booked the 13 person band and the photographer that comes with a small army. You have to feed them – alllllll of them. But you can ask your caterers for Vendor Meals because a lot of times they are less expensive, and less temperature sensitive so your vendors can eat when it fits. Also, don’t ask your vendors to just ‘blend in with the guests and sit anywhere to eat’. Having been on both sides, I can tell you this is super uncomfortable. As a photographer I may be sweaty and not want to inflict that on people, or spend my time trying to eat while people smile maniacally at me because they think I may whip out my lense at any time and take a shot. And some of your other vendors like your band my just need a few minutes to be not performing. Give them their space, and their food and their safe place to giggle about bad dancers. Oh and the tipping part; rumor has it that if they own the company you don’t need to tip them. I will leave that to you, but that’s the scuttlebutt.

Planning a wedding should be fun, but there are some sneaky little things that may trip you up along the way. Don’t stress about them, everyone goes through it, just handle each situation with the love it needs. Try not to lump them all into one overwhelming thing, but rather talk them through with your fiancé, decide where you both stand, then divide and conquer! You’re going to be each other’s right hand in all of life’s complex situations so now is a great time to perfect that communication and figure out which one of you is the hammer and which is the finesse (I’ll let you decide how you think that shook out for my husband and I).

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